My Struggle

I often wonder why i'm still alive,-
I don't even care if i die tommorow or if i will survive,-
Perhaps i should just get over it but i feel like movin' on is pointless 'cause i ain't gonna get anywhere,-
Just hopin' there'll come a time when shit can be fair-
When i collaborate with friends 'n we split 'n we share-
For that i try to get fit 'n preepare-so i can be unique when i spit 'n be rare-
But i'm livin' in a time when even the best kin- (kin-can)
Go their entire careers without achievin' success 'n-
So they grieve in a mess 'n-start bein' depress when- (depressed when)
Nothin' in their lives is goin' right to the point they don't even believe in a blessin',-
But still they try relievin' the stress 'n-
I'd be lyin' if i said this ain't ever happened beefore,-
But i'm contemplatin' quittin' writin' songs 'cause i don't wanna rap anymore,-
And it's just that shit happen's'o much,-
'n it's gotten to the point i just wanna quit rappin' so much
I have no confidence 'n lack motivation wishin' i had ambition,-but i have a mission,-
I wanna contribute to society with my music but i'm afflicted by writer's block sufferin' from avolition,-
Livin' recluse in my mom's shitty apartment like i don't even have a vision,-
Or plans for my future like i'm suicidal constantly makin' bad decision-after bad decision,-
With true ill skill i try to be real when i spit
I act like i can't be touched but the irony is i ain't even feelin' my shit
I know i'm sick 'n i try to get better but i'm under constant duress to improve my material so i'ma probably be under pressure 'till when i quit,-
'n it's pushin' me the point where i go insane 'n crazy,-
'n my mind begins growin' blank 'n hazy,-
I've lost confidence in my writin' skill,-i keep tryin' still-but i've lost the fightin' will-
So i cry intil- (intil - until)
I fall asleep 'n to top it off i'm always depressed 'n i've grown upset,-
'cause i havn't made it 'n become famous or blown up yet,-
But french montana/____ has 'n i can't take it,-
If he can become famous 'n live luxuriously off of bullshit why the fuck can't i make it?-
Even though i know i'm lyrical when rappin',- /(lyrical still rappin'...miracle will happen)/
'n writin' rhymes though i hardly make any effort to promote myself just hopin' a miracle can happen,-
'n i'm tired of waitin' for the opportunity to just fall in my lap,-
I try to give it my all when i rap-
But people just keep appallin' my crap-
'till i begin' to maul 'n i snap,-
Then you retaliate 'n ya fall in my trap,-
'cause see noone's showin' mercy for me that's why i'm careless when i brawl 'n i scrap,-
'cause i don't give a fuck anymore,-
So i don't know what the fuck you haters keep buggin' me for,-
Expectin' me hopin''''i impress 'n satisfy you,-i am guessin' that is why you-
Keep encouragin' me to make more'''music shit 'n appease you,-
But i ain't tryin' to'''make a'''new sick hit 'n to please you-
Like i'm a slave man this shit is pissin' me off i'm so sick of this fuckin' shit,-
I'm stressin' out 'cause there's a high standard and i feel like i have to live up to it,-
It's so bad it gets to the point where i just wanna give up 'n quit,-
But inside i know i can't no i gotta get up 'n spit,-
Sit up 'n get-
To work my body's on fire like a flame lit up in it,-
Still i'm so sick of this crap i'm so fed(fid)up 'n shit,-
But i'm turnin' my weakness into a strength i refuse to let up 'n quit,-
I refuse to lose it'i'll never submit(summit),-
I'm the best to do it'i don't need a smash record or(uh)hit-
To prove it'measure the wit-listen to my music'i'm the most clever to spit-
You're stupid'if you think i'll ever submit,-
I spit memorable punchlines even old timers with alzheimers will never forget,-
I open up my chest 'n y'all get treasure from it,-i rap for the pleasure of it,-
I don't wanna succumb to the pressure to spit-
But no matter how much i deny it i feel like it'd just be better to quit,-
But i got cheddar to get-though i feel unsure right now 'cause i'm under the weather a bit,-
And it's gotten to the point where i don't even wanna make an effort to spit,-
'cause i stumble on every line i spit in each verse,-
Shit hits the fan 'n everytime i wonder could my life get any worse?-
I try to practice this shit 'n reehearse,-
...but i don't feel'''the inspiration which i really lack 'n motivated,-
I'm sick of these mainstream artists that are silly whack 'n overrated,-
'n suppressin' these emotions is frustratin'-'n i know i'm just hatin'-
But i'm frustrated,-i feel like i'm dyin' but i'm tenaciously clingin' to life i must make it-
I wanna become famous i'm finally givin' a shit now i refuse to just take it,-
Pretendin' i'm ready when i'm just stallin' 'n buyin'-
Time like i've already fallen i'm lyin',-
On the cold ground where i've been crawlin' 'n dyin',-
Just bawlin' 'n cryin',-
I'm small 'n i'm shy 'n,-
I'm scared but i'ma attempt to make it to the end i'm goin' all in i'm tryin',-
To survive 'n to live i'm brawlin' 'n fightin',-
To stay alive i'm maulin' 'n bitin',-
I'll never give up i'ma continue scrawlin' 'n writin',-
With all of my gall 'n my might 'n,-
Even though i feel like i don't belong in this world i live in like i don't fit in,-
I'ma keep goin' i refuse to back down now i won't give in,-
I'ma hold my own spittin'-in my zone gettin'-my name known written-
In history while i remain on my throne sittin'-and i've grown smitten-to the game so i won't quit 'n-
I'ma keep spittin'-the deep written-
Feelings inside me which i used to keep hidden-
'n let the world know my pain,-
Not just so i gain-
Money 'n respect but genuinely so I can show my strain-
When i'm in pain,-'n the affects it has when i cry invein,-
To relieve it even if you might think i'm insane,-
I act like i don't care but i don't know why i try 'n feign-
Or why i gest,-i just try my best,-
So welcome to this introduction to my plight 'n trouble,-
'n this is just another one of the stories of my fight 'n struggle,-
My struggle...(maybe echo struggle)
...