Doubts Portrait

[Intro]
I sometimes think about all the time I spend on writing and producing these songs
But why do I dedicate my life and risk pretty much everything on a dream that might not even happen, y'know?
Um, sometimes it gets pretty heavy and
I'm often torn between like am I a unique artist or am I just like every other rapper singing trying to make it, right?
[Verse]
I'm losing myself to be something pretentious (Yeah)
It's pretty sad 'cause I start to care about numbers way morе than my friendships
I sorta regret it
My nеck has been hurting cause I keep my head up
I am a mess, that's why go out in public and start to play dress-up
Give me my mask I gotta go cover my stresses
I don't experience a spiritual feeling by hearing a reading (Yep)
All my material weakens
I'm not afraid, to be honest about my religion, my fear is to leave it
There is apart of me seriously stuck in the deep end
My heart isn't beating
The moment I stop writing lyrics with meanings
The moment you notice I'm not even breathing. (Shhhhh)
Why do I want you to like me?
Why aren't they seeing what I see?
Why don't I shut up for once with the rhyming? (Huh)
No one is standing behind me
Some days I just wanna cry
Some days I get really tired
My mind is a place where I'm caught up inside it
Always deciding and trying to figure out ways to be doing the right things


I get offended
I won't pretend
Gimme a second
I need a breath
I look around
There's nobody left
I built a career but ignored all my friends
Who will I have when everything ends?
I'm pushing buttons I promised I never would press
Every decision I make is a step
Either one way or another
I lay in my bed, tossing and turning with negative thoughts in my head and I think about all of the things I regret
Doesn't it bug you when family starts asking if you are depressed?
Mommy and daddy won't get it
But when I grow up I'll be, I'll be a rapper
Isn't that kinda pathetic? (Yeah)
What if I make it?
What if they say I'm the greatest?
Maybe like millions of people will know what my name is
Probably not sometimes I think
Enough is enough, I gotta stop
Go back to school, look at offers
Study for years maybe I'll look a bit smarter (Maybe)
Get a good job, make a few dollars
Marry a girl, be a good father. (Alright)
Then Imma look at my son or my daughter and tell em to follow their dreams
Don't ever be like your dad
Yeah, 'cause he stood up and left when his dream got a little bit harder
I'm getting lost, every doubt is a portrait


I am the artist
I need to find who I am, gather my goals
Pick up a mic, rap at a show
Then I'll go find what matters the most
I'll be alright
I have to go cause if I never leave
Then I'll feel way incompatible
Look at it I play in the battle zone
People don't have to know when I am sad or the minute my happiness goes
Guess I'm an artist that people will barely listen to
All of my songs are very intentional
I'm not a stereotypical rapper, we're not even similar
I'm sick of rapping about all the positive things that you wanted to hear
Why don't you close all your mouths and open your ears?
I'll probably end up a failure, that's what I think of my music career
“Tyse why don't you write something happy?
Why are you always so angry?”
They don't believe for a second that I can be sad
That is the sad thing
Y'know, You're actually right
I'm always acting, that's pretty silly of me
What am I doing?
Look at this music, isn't it stupid?
I think the truth is, I'm pretty much all of the things you're assuming
Chasing my dreams? That's a mistake
Hey, I'm only human
Yeah, this rap thing is fun but still, this is a waste
I don't make a pennies off anything
I got some bills that need to be paid
Will everything change?


I never know what I'm capable of
I see my negative thoughts and my doubts as a beautiful painting
I'm sorta scared I could mess it all up, but I am the artist
There's nothing that I couldn't fix with a brush
My effort has always been put into lifting the heaviest stuff
But the weight that I carry has never been heavy enough
What if I did told me I couldn't?
What if I'm pushed to my limits and then keep on going so they would start looking?
Maybe there's no other way I can put this
I'll give you the proof that I'm actually good enough
Look at me now, I'm sick of the bullies enough of the pushing
It's time that I finally stood up and started believing in dreams
My doubt is a portrait
Don't even touch it
It's very important (It's very important)
I've had it for years It gives me a story to tell
I'll never sell it, I think it's elegant
Ever since I started writing it gave me a special connection
It's not just a painting
It's something I'll never let go
It's something I'll never let go (Doubts portrait)