A MINIVAN FULL OF ANGRY HETEROSEXUALS WITH CROOKED TEETH AND EVEN MORE CROOKED WAYS OF GETTING REVENGE
By Sam Pink
On album A MINIVAN FULL OF ANGRY HETEROSEXUALS WITH CROOKED TEETH AND EVEN MORE CROOKED WAYS OF GETTING REVENGE
Go back to your search "On the day you were were born you were 31 mama she was 28"
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1
I could wrestle the fuck out of emilio (schmelio) estevez no problem.
2
I still think you should move into my basement.
3
It's all good man, one day you will save my life by slapping a crack pipe out of my hands and we will be even. I hope you enjoy the book. I'll mail it out tomorrow.
4
I am patting your shoulder in my head. Can I be your grandpa please? My self esteem is a wall made of empty shoeboxes. If I find out you ate my last bagel I'm gonna fuck you up with a golf club.
5
In other news, I am still not a dinosaur catcher but my resume is out there. And no, you can not beat me at nerf basketball. Trust me. One of my arms is eight feet long.
6
It was so nice, our day together. I'll never forget it.
7
When I read your email I felt like I got stabbed in the heart but with like, a good, nice, sprinkle-covered knife. I laughed when I read that you would electrocute me. That would be fun.
8
I think if there was a day where everyone agreed not to go outside so I could pretend like the world was mine, that would make me happy. Just one day though.
9
I figured I would say hi and remind you that you're not alone.
10
Don't be a bitch. Fucking do it. Or I'll fuck you up with a combination lock inside a dress sock (dress socks stress easier).
11
I think you should sincerely consider donating your eggs. Just sayin.
12
I was once a rhino but I became a girl when I was blasted by a photon beam redirected off the sun.
13
Cool. Everything sounds good. I'm living out of my fucking van right now.
14
I'm tired. Anyway, I have to cut this email short, I ate so much fruit yesterday, right now my stomach sounds like a techno song.
15
I am sexually attracted to many of my non-blood related aunts and I think it's mutual based on the way they press their breasts into me during hugs.
16
I flicked off a car full of old people today because they honked at me and now I kind of regret it but I am not totally sure.
17
Bummer dude. I don't have facebook.
18
Crackhead hoes, fatties, maybe some busted ass church's chicken. We'll do it up. A lock of your hair is my cock ring.
19
No, I mean, like, whenever I see him perform I don't laugh. It's weird.
20
Climb a tree and cry there. No one will find you.
21
Well, I tried the fear but it just made her cry.
22
Blades of Steel for the regular Nintendo was pretty dope. I like the sound of the fighting. The punches sounded like little pretzel sticks hitting the tile.
23
Something tells me you don't know much about handling women.
24
Man I love Mike Tyson. Seriously.
25
I always smile so people won't feel weird. Most of the time I mean it I think, but I can't really tell.
26
I'll show you knucklehead when my knuckles are in your head, assface.
27
You have damage? I always think "I am damaged." or "I am hungry."
28
My favorite world leader is the sun.
29
Perhaps I have been a silly billy.
30
Your drunk grandma got nothing on my late drunk grandma!
31
Shit in shit out my brotha. Yeah but I am always invisible.
32
It means chow down on a fukkin dick homey!
33
I'd just be like, "what, you look like a girl." Anyway, life's terrible.
34
Dude, fuck that guy at the cigar lounge. "Deputy sheriff." I read that and all I see is "total bitch." Anger and mockery!
35
Like I always end up thinking, "what is wrong with everyone." Oh well, we'll both die at some point. Magnificent.
36
In Tim Allen voice: "urrgggghh?" Haha, now I see Tim Allen wide-eyed, doing that grunt. And Al shoves his cokepowdery ass into Tim Allen's face again. And then Al's like "I don't thinkso Tim." Anyway I am starting to remember why I almost always ignore pussy in favor of loneliness.
37
I'm getting a vasectomy on Thursday, and then I'll be even better.
38
I'm planning on being more of a cuntpickle.
39
Hopefully I will wake up to a completely incinerated earth.
40
1. Will they mind that I look like a skinhead murderer? and 2. Is there a drug test?
41
I hate you. You suck.
42
Insect Pornographer
43
So I went to the store and I came back. and at one point, I thought these dudes were tryin' to holla at me, but it turned out that the whistling was just part of the song they were listening to.
44
Dude she has a dude's chest. I've accomplished nothing today. You're a stupid whore.
45
You ever get so low that you don't even care about fucking?
46
I wish I had a vagina so I could be more valuable for you. I would totally fuck you after that one.
47
I'm tired. Gonna go get ready for bed.
I could wrestle the fuck out of emilio (schmelio) estevez no problem.
2
I still think you should move into my basement.
3
It's all good man, one day you will save my life by slapping a crack pipe out of my hands and we will be even. I hope you enjoy the book. I'll mail it out tomorrow.
4
I am patting your shoulder in my head. Can I be your grandpa please? My self esteem is a wall made of empty shoeboxes. If I find out you ate my last bagel I'm gonna fuck you up with a golf club.
5
In other news, I am still not a dinosaur catcher but my resume is out there. And no, you can not beat me at nerf basketball. Trust me. One of my arms is eight feet long.
6
It was so nice, our day together. I'll never forget it.
7
When I read your email I felt like I got stabbed in the heart but with like, a good, nice, sprinkle-covered knife. I laughed when I read that you would electrocute me. That would be fun.
8
I think if there was a day where everyone agreed not to go outside so I could pretend like the world was mine, that would make me happy. Just one day though.
9
I figured I would say hi and remind you that you're not alone.
10
Don't be a bitch. Fucking do it. Or I'll fuck you up with a combination lock inside a dress sock (dress socks stress easier).
11
I think you should sincerely consider donating your eggs. Just sayin.
12
I was once a rhino but I became a girl when I was blasted by a photon beam redirected off the sun.
13
Cool. Everything sounds good. I'm living out of my fucking van right now.
14
I'm tired. Anyway, I have to cut this email short, I ate so much fruit yesterday, right now my stomach sounds like a techno song.
15
I am sexually attracted to many of my non-blood related aunts and I think it's mutual based on the way they press their breasts into me during hugs.
16
I flicked off a car full of old people today because they honked at me and now I kind of regret it but I am not totally sure.
17
Bummer dude. I don't have facebook.
18
Crackhead hoes, fatties, maybe some busted ass church's chicken. We'll do it up. A lock of your hair is my cock ring.
19
No, I mean, like, whenever I see him perform I don't laugh. It's weird.
20
Climb a tree and cry there. No one will find you.
21
Well, I tried the fear but it just made her cry.
22
Blades of Steel for the regular Nintendo was pretty dope. I like the sound of the fighting. The punches sounded like little pretzel sticks hitting the tile.
23
Something tells me you don't know much about handling women.
24
Man I love Mike Tyson. Seriously.
25
I always smile so people won't feel weird. Most of the time I mean it I think, but I can't really tell.
26
I'll show you knucklehead when my knuckles are in your head, assface.
27
You have damage? I always think "I am damaged." or "I am hungry."
28
My favorite world leader is the sun.
29
Perhaps I have been a silly billy.
30
Your drunk grandma got nothing on my late drunk grandma!
31
Shit in shit out my brotha. Yeah but I am always invisible.
32
It means chow down on a fukkin dick homey!
33
I'd just be like, "what, you look like a girl." Anyway, life's terrible.
34
Dude, fuck that guy at the cigar lounge. "Deputy sheriff." I read that and all I see is "total bitch." Anger and mockery!
35
Like I always end up thinking, "what is wrong with everyone." Oh well, we'll both die at some point. Magnificent.
36
In Tim Allen voice: "urrgggghh?" Haha, now I see Tim Allen wide-eyed, doing that grunt. And Al shoves his cokepowdery ass into Tim Allen's face again. And then Al's like "I don't thinkso Tim." Anyway I am starting to remember why I almost always ignore pussy in favor of loneliness.
37
I'm getting a vasectomy on Thursday, and then I'll be even better.
38
I'm planning on being more of a cuntpickle.
39
Hopefully I will wake up to a completely incinerated earth.
40
1. Will they mind that I look like a skinhead murderer? and 2. Is there a drug test?
41
I hate you. You suck.
42
Insect Pornographer
43
So I went to the store and I came back. and at one point, I thought these dudes were tryin' to holla at me, but it turned out that the whistling was just part of the song they were listening to.
44
Dude she has a dude's chest. I've accomplished nothing today. You're a stupid whore.
45
You ever get so low that you don't even care about fucking?
46
I wish I had a vagina so I could be more valuable for you. I would totally fuck you after that one.
47
I'm tired. Gonna go get ready for bed.
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