Agony (Reprise)

By Robert Westenberg (2002)
On album Comedy Tonight!: Stephen Sondheim's Funniest Songs (2002), Into the Woods (Original Broadway Cast Recording) (1988)

Into the Woods (Original Broadway Cast Recording)
[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
High in a tower—
Like yours was, but higher—
A beauty asleep
All 'round the tower
A thicket of briar
A hundred feet deep
Agony! No frustration more keen
When the one thing you want
Is a thing that you've not even seen

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
I've found a casket
Entirely of glass—
No, it's unbreakable
Inside—don't ask it—
A maiden, alas
Just as unwakeable

[BOTH]
What unmistakable agony!
Is the way always barred?

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
She has skin white as snow—

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
Did you learn her name?

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
No, there's dwarves standing guard

[BOTH]
Agony! Such that princes must weep!
Always in thrall most
To anything almost
Or something asleep

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
If it were not for the thicket—

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
A thicket's no trick. Is it thick?

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
It's the thickest

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
The quickest is pick it apart with a stick—

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
Yes, but even one prick—
It's my thing about blood

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
Well, it's sick!

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
It's no sicker than your thing with dwarves

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
Dwarfs

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
Dwarfs...

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
Dwarfs are very upsetting

[BOTH]
Not forgetting the task's unachievable
Mountains unscalable—
If it's conceivable
But unavailable
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—
Agony!

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
Misery!

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
Woe!

[BOTH]
Not to know what you miss

[CINDERELLA'S PRINCE]
While they lie there for years—

[RAPUNZEL'S PRINCE]
And you cry on their biers—

[BOTH]
What unbearable bliss!
Agony, that can cut like a knife!
Ah well, back to my wife...

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