In the Same Boat

[PERCY]
Wow, maybe your mom should've totally chilled
Instead of making monsters that get us all killed!

[ANNABETH]
Well, maybe your dad should've picked a better place
All he did was diss her with disgrace

[GROVER]
Guys, calm it down
With all life's stresses
It ain't worth cleaning up your parents' messes
Now ask me where we are, I'll give you three guesses!

(spoken)
Ask me!

[PERCY & ANNABETH]
Where are we?

[GROVER]
(sung)
We're in the same bo-o-oat
In the very same bo-o-oat

[PERCY & ANNABETH]
I'd like to wrap my hands around that half-blood's throat!

[ANNABETH]
Don't need to heed a talking goat!

[GROVER]
The same bo-o-o-o-o-oat
We're in the same boat!

(spoken)
And look what I found at Medusa's place!

[PERCY]
Three Amtrak tickets?

[GROVER]
Why run from monsters when we can ride?

(sung)
We're in the same tra-a-ain
In the very same tra-a-ain

[PERCY]
With Anna-blegh!

[ANNABETH]
And Seaweed Brain!

[PERCY]
You're so high-strung

[ANNABETH]
Well, you're insane!

[GROVER]
The same tra-a-a-a-ain
We're in the same train!

[CONDUCTOR]
(spoken)
Last stop, Denver, Colorado!

[PERCY]
Wow, check out those rocky mountains!

[ANNABETH]
You mean the Rocky Mountains?

[GROVER]
That is so beautiful. I need a veggie burger!

[ARES]
Did someone say 'veggie burger?'

[GROVER]
Sweet!

[ANNABETH]
Wait, does anyone else find this suspicious?

[ARES]
Roll with it. It's not every day you get a veggie burger from a god. Ares, god of war! Maybe you've met my daughter, Clarisse? Woah, woah, woah, relax, I come in peace! I hear you runts are headed to Hades, but you'll never make it on public transportation. I can take you as far as Vegas. Y'all cool with motorcycles, right?

[PERCY & GROVER]
Sweet!

[ANNABETH]
Wait!

[PERCY, ANNABETH & GROVER]
(sung)
We're on the same bi-i-ike!
On the very same bi-i-ike!

[ANNABETH]
There's lots about this that I don't like!
Can we trust this guy?

[PERCY]
You could always hike!

[ALL THREE]
The same bi-i-i-i-ike
We're on the same bike!

[ARES]
(spoken)
Vegas, baby! Forgettin' somethin'? This is where I get off

[GROVER]
That guy is so cool!

[ANNABETH]
Okay, gang, we need a place to spend the night

[PERCY]
Uh, how 'bout here? The Lotus Hotel

[ANNABETH]
You're joking, right? In the Odyssey, if you went to sleep in a lotus bed, one night could last a hundred years!

[PERCY]
Well, I'm sure that's irrelevant. Uh, excuse me, miss, how long have you been at this hotel?

[BIANCA DI ANGELO]
Why, my brother and I arrived just yesterday, May 1st, 1939!

[PERCY & GROVER]
Ahh!

[ANNABETH]
Taxi!

[GROVER]
(sung)
Bada badada ba ba badada
Bada badada ba ba badada

[GROVER & PERCY]
Bada badada ba ba badada
Bada badada ba ba badada
(continues through next verse)

[ANNABETH]
Athena, give me strength so I don't kill him!
Mother, guide with your wisdom, lend me some sense
I defend you, but I only tend to will him
To get more and more defensive
Terse and tense!

Mother? Figures...

[PERCY]
(spoken)
Los Angeles!

[ANNABETH]
(sung)
It's strange
Sometimes I think I'm dreaming
It's messed up, but he's kinda cute
When he's angry and all screamy
He's so weird
But a good weird

Our parents' paths are pushing us apart
And my head is always stronger than my heart
If only he would say something that was remotely smart!

[PERCY]
(spoken)
I got it. The map was upside down

[ANNABETH]
Ugh!

[PERCY]
Here we are, DOA Records

[GROVER]
I kinda figured there'd be monsters

[PERCY]
Yeah, uh, who knew that the lobby to the Underworld would be so...

[ANNABETH]
Dead?

[CHARON]
Going down? No sobs, no screaming, and no getting seasick!

[PERCY]
How do you get seasick in an elevator? Boat!

[ANNABETH]
(sung)
The way to the Underworld is over the Styx
It's a river

[PERCY]
I know, you showoff
Chicks

[ANNABETH]
Sexist, much?
Go make a splash

[PERCY]
I'll splash you

[GROVER]
It's like watching titans clash
They'll kill each other, or they'll kiss
If we're lucky, they'll end up in an abyss

[CHARON]
I've seen some messed up stuff
But nothing quite like this

[ANNABETH]
(spoken)
If you'd just listen

[PERCY]
If you'd stop criticizing me!

(PERCY & ANNABETH continue arguing)

[GROVER]
(sung)
We're in the same bo-o-oat
In the literal bo-o-oat
I'm trying to stay afloat above the lava moat
Have you even heard a word coming from my throat?

The same bo-o-woah, woah, woah!
We're in the same...

[ALL THREE]
AHH!!!

[ANNABETH]
(spoken)
Did we just... almost die?

[PERCY]
I feel something strange

[CHARON]
Is it.. seasickness?

[PERCY]
Perspective. That stuff with our parents, it's ancient history

[ANNABETH]
And who says history has to repeat itself?

[GROVER]
Say it! Say it! You know you wanna say it! Just say it already!

[PERCY & ANNABETH]
(sung)
We're in the same bo-o-oat

[GROVER]
(spoken)
Yes! Weird guy!

[CHARON]
(sung)
In the very same bo-wo-woat

[GROVER]
(spoken)
Everybody now!

[ALL]
(sung)
We're in the same...

[GROVER]
Baa!

[ALL]
Boat!