A Very Musical Meltdown

Started the new year full of optimism and inspiration
But now we're four months in, and my anxiety's reaching desperation
My mind is my own enemy, but that's something you don't see
'Cause I edit out out the crying parts when I'm using i
Movie

Can barely leave the house and even if I wanted to
I cannot afford to 'cause once again, I'm jobless
And torn between my hate of working in hospitality and following my dreams
All I want to do is act or sing or write
But instead I'm making coffee for bankers or pulling pints and being groped by big city wankers

I find it hard to get out of bed 'cause my brain would rather a mid-life crisis instead
Of being productive, who knew I'd end up so self-destructive
I put my personal worth into what I create and end up feeling pretty shitty when I've nothing to make
Thought I'd have my life together at twenty-two
So many missed opportunities, chances I blew, blew, blew, blew, blew
I am blue, blue, blue, blue, blue

Finally coming to terms with my social media addiction, it's more of an affliction
'Cause I can't help compare my ugly spotty being to every supermodel I keep seeing
And I'm screaming "Who the hell will love me if my eyebrows aren't on fleek?!"
I'll never have a juicy Kim K butt
Shout-out to my girls with an A/B cup!
I've had to limit my Facebook stalking even though it's easier than actually talking to
The people that I went to high school with
Now they're getting married, proper jobs, and ugh, having kids
And, oh, well, me? Okay let's see
Barely working part-time, and no, I didn't get a degree
Don't know what I'm doing, haven't got a clue
Just wrapped up in my duvet asking myself why I'm blue, blue, blue, blue, blue
I am blue, blue, blue, blue, blue

Wanna be a singer or an actor
"Why don't you go on X-factor?"
Says everyone I meet
Well, I auditioned for The Voice series one
And I burped right in the middle of my song [BURP]

Can't get an agent without a portfolio and can't build one of those without an agent
Don't you know it's an endless cycle that I'm growing tired of
So it's back to the grind, I'll have a pint please, love
And if my life hasn't started now, will it ever begin?
Or will I look back in twenty years and hate myself for not doing more
Instead of sitting drinking red wine on the bathroom floor?
I'm a bloody disaster, an absolute mess
With a pile of mental health issues to address
So good at faking a smile you can't see through
Maybe i need stop asking why I'm blue, blue, blue, blue, blue
I am blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue
I am blue, blue, blue, blue, blue