The Gear Jammer And The Hobo

The highways that wind and wonder cross this lonesome land
Sure can get weary sometimes specially when you get a flat on the ole disel
I was barrelin' down ole 77 one day and I just passed a hobo who had given me the thumb
And I gave him the thumb back and kept goin' and wouldn't you know it
About a quarter of a mile further I pulled up on the shoulder with a flat on the right rear
And as I stood there lookin' at it shakin' my head utterin' some profane syllables
The hobo walked up and said to me have a flat no thanks I got one
It ain't too bad it's only flat on the bottom
Oh brother you could tell this guy had been out of circulation for a long time
Whatcha gonna do about it
Well I was just gonna look for a man to help me fix it
Good I'll help you look for him how 'bout you
Yeah how 'bout me why I mean how 'bout you givin' me a hand
Oh I'd like to help you ol' buddy
But I'm to light for heavy work and too heavy for light work and too lazy
Well that might fit in there some place
Well thanks a lot I'll fix it myself
And I'll supervise the job
Uh say ole buddy how 'bout givin' me a dime for a piece of cake
Well if that don't beat all and it's cake you want
Well today's my birthday
Alright help me fix this flat and I'll buy you a full dinner
Okay you got a deal but eh let me see the menu first
Look buster you know hard work won't kill you
I don't know I lost several wives that way
Come on now you look strong enough to work
And you look handsome enough to be a movie star
But I see you're pushin' this ole disel
Ah surely you must have done some work
Oh yeah I work now and then what do you do
This and that where bouts here and there I see
Now when you gonna give me that dime
Oh sooner or later
You can kid me if you wanna but I'll tell you one thing
I wouldn't change places with a guy that had a million bucks
How about five million not even five million
How bout ten million not even well now that's different you're talkin' real dough
Now look a here you no good mangy knock-kneed bowlegged bald headed two bit hobo
Who are you callin' bowlegged
Look you're gonna help me fix this flat or I'm gonna break your
Careful chum you'll bend the suit
Now for the last time are you or ain't you
You get so excited
Okay I'll help you let me take a look at that tire
Humm just as I thought
That ain't no blowout just a slow leak hand me that tire pump
And friends if I hadn't see it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it
That tramp took that pump and with one hand mind you
Pumped that big tire full of air in no time
Well what do ya know no flat pardner I wanna thank you
Hop in the cab and the next stop we make
I'll buy you the biggest steak and the best cake they've got in the house
Sounds like a winner just one thing tho
I noticed you only used one hand on that tire pump how come oh I don't know
Cept this arm's broke broke just a little bit
Oh I'm sorry ole buddy how did it happen
Well it was like this
I got a hold of this copy of the playboy magazine yeah
And I thought it was a Sears and Roebuck catalogue go on
And I broke my arm fillin' out order blanks
Oh no come on let's hit the road