In Loving Memory

Sometimes I feel like it's not even worth to live this life at all, you know?
It's like I'm forgotten, this life is an ocean, I just hit rock bottom
They just left me rot and act like there isn't a problem
While I'm drowning, tryna breath, I guess that isn't an option
Then I vanished, my life became unbalanced
I tried to get it right but I went right into this manic depression
Started to panic, aggression became a daily routine
I'm a slave to this dream, I guess I'm legging progression
Cuz if I made some I would have made some by now
Used to love where I was but I hate where I'm now
Got this hate deep down man, it's difficult
To get out of this shit imma need a miracle
Used to feel invincible but that feeling has faded now
I guess I'm stuck in a rut and I can't get out
It's been oh so long since I've painted how I feel at this very moment
But the danger now is that I might end up with my fist sore
It got me thinking ''is this really what I wished for?''
Looking at this shit like ''is this all there is to live for?''
Need to find a purpose man, it's me versus the anger
And cancer got my uncle, some say that it's gods will
Well, if it is, God I'm coming for you, I will
Cuz if it's you who did this, you made my mom depressed
Maybe I'm superstitious but damn, my grandmother lost her son
Her one and only son
It still hurts my heart when I think about how she cried
When we told her that he wasn't gonna make it
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, goddamn, I hate it
He was always so anxious like ''boy you gonna make''
Hard work pays off you gotta be dedicated
And sometimes it's hard but fuck it, I never gave up
Until we were separated, god damn, I hate it now
We're all stuck in a rut and we can't get out
I hear my mom cry day in day out
And I keep it bottled up
So the danger now is that I might end up doing stupid shit
Cuz I got these feelings and I don't know what to do with it
In fact, since you've been taken away I'm losing it
I just can't understand or stand it this is ludicrous
Had numerous moments of breaking down into tears
Made sure that no one could hear and scream as loud as I can
In the hope you'd give me a sign you are looking down on your friend
Who was still a kid when you left here but now he's a man, damn
I can't stop thinking about that moment in the hospital that day
When we hugged and you told me you love me
You even told your girlfriend I was like a son to you, I love you too
I'm looking at this picture of you and I see myself
It's crazy how we look alike but it doesn't really help
Cuz every time I'm reminded life is a living hell
I hope you're in a better place now and you're feeling well
Well, I don't know if you can hear me up there
But we miss you
Please give my mom the strength to get through this
And know that we'll never forget you