Spatial Disorientation

[Verse 1]
I don't know which way's up anymore/
Heartthrobbing
As I lay on the floor/
Singing power in the name of Jesus, til my throat sore/
I'm wondering, is He folklore?/
I close my eyes tryna see a little light/
When I pray He don't hear me, now I'm falling through the night/
I'm hurting so uncertain the vertigo keep obscuring the verdict bro I am flirting with shirking all
My discernment/
Was any of it even real? My pupils wide as ferris wheels/
Spinning in my head, tailspinning
In my dread, this plane needs a Cartesian deal/
Like (x, y), why ex, did you leave? last I checked/
We were fine, you were mine; now I keep watch: Timex/
For signs at times I wonder, as I'm flying blind and under/
The influ of grief, 100 proof; what if everything I believed was just a ruse?/
What if none of it's true? The product of total delusion/
And all of these people look up to me for what I preach so I'm feeling secluded/
What if I'm not who I think I am? Ever since you said you're doubting/
My sick heart holds on to you by joining you in free fall off faith mountain/
Guess I'm weaker than I thought, guess I forgot to count your faith loss/
You leaving and the thought of you disbelieving, got me teeming with blaspheming thoughts/

[Pre
Chorus]
Fly blind, hold up/
Are we, divin? pull up/
We lost, all our, control of/
Communication, click click nothing/ (2x)

[Hook]
I don't know where I am, don't know what I believe/
The sky's dark and my heart is shellshocked/
Was any of it true, or was I truly deceived?/
Half of me screams there is no God/

[Verse 2]
Arms around my knees, it's pitch black in my room/
My mouth agape my eyes the shape of lemurs in cartoons/
My heart races in anguish, living hurts and nothing's sure/
If I was so real back then then why did this bomb blast just birth/
This existential crisis? Got its blade on my throat likes it's ISIS/
But I fear I am not as brave or as convinced as Egyptian Christians who think Christ is/
Priceless, but my Master
Card card, can stand to spend the 30 pieces of silver/
It costs to apostatize, my Lord these thoughts are unfamiliar/
But maybe these words are like the wind, maybe they are just here and gone/
A product not of who I really am, but a product of the sore my plight has brought on/
I don't got the answers, all I got is this cancer/
Ivory Tower folk judge me, don't pray, and do prey on me like panthers/
Deep down, I know that I know that I know/
There is a God who's in control and loves me even though/
I can't feel Him, often shouting, can't see him, wanna flee him/
If You're in control why the chaos; I do believe that's why I'm still even doubting/

[Verse 3]
I stay low, cuz now ain't high time for me to broadcast/
These doubts and bomb blast, the faith of the young so I fall back/
No social media, just me and my bible and brothers/
They tellin me read the Word trust God keep flying don't mind the thunder/
They say don't doubt in the dark, what He showed you in the light/
Though my mind been shot with these doubt darts, I think they might be right/
Think my cognizance is compromised, cuz I don't see the horizon/
Trust your flight instruments, right now your mind is lying/
It's insane; how everything my mind insists/
Is disconnected from reality and would crash me into a cliff/
I got a choice to make (got a choice to make):
My perception or His promises/
This storm won't last forever but my choice will choose my consequence/
I can rebel, say forget you, you don't care/
How dare you let this come to pass? You're incompetent, unjust, unloving and weak (or)/
Say you're God, and I'm not; you're holding me even through all of this Hell/
You're loving and wise, nothing can pry me outta your Hands and you'll make it end well/
Help me believe, help me believe/