Beyond Gone

Verse 1:

Feeling gone in my mind like I can't think at all/
They say I'm new to the game, telling me to push the ball/
And I ain't trying to hog, so i gotta slow it down/
But its hard to make it out when your team just standing around/
Shots go up and your the one trying to slam it through/
Fans are quick to hate when you achieving what they can't do/
I got my mind on the game I gotta stay focused/
My father thinks that pursuing this career is hopeless/
I can't afford to fail I got my life on my back/
Once you count your friends and fam they add weight to that/
Stressing about my music and my other past commits/
And I'm looking at these memories like how could I forget this/
Fast forward the bullshit, I should skip this/
My big sister told me, Derrick you got to rip this/
Damn, why is it that every time I'm blown/
My family say their proud, talking about how much I've grown/
I try to play it cool but they can tell that somethings wrong/
And the smiles the leave the room when they ask me what I'm on/
Damn, its like I enjoy every time that we fight/
I know their just worried cause I almost lost my life/
Heart broken almost had a model for the wife/
Now the parts open so I hug a bottle for the night/
Casting different women almost every single weekend/
But when they read the script, then they just end up leaving/

Man, I don't know how many people know this. But I did OD June 9th, 2011.
I was gone 2 minutes. They had to resuscitate me. No bullshit.
So, I wrote this as soon as I got out.

Verse 2:

My old ways don't do it and the new ways ain't working/
Can't tell if its worth it, can't see the people I'm hurting/
Closest friends tell me that I'm gonna be successful/
So I feel there's expectations, and that shit gets kind of stressful/
You can see it in my face, embarrassed by the feedback/
My old crew's two face believe me I don't need that/
Now I'm doing me, walking in the rain alone/
Staying high to catch my lows because my mind's beyond gone/
And I'm never satisfied with the women I'm choosing/
So I try to win them over but I feel like I'm losing/
Breaking couples up claiming I'm the better man/
But then I fall short like it was all part of the plan/
I told her that I love her, I don't think the understand/
And I'm trying to make things right the best way that I can/
Damn its like I'm tired of taking chances so I give up/
I'm handing my heart to these broads just to see it ripped up/

You know. Thats something yall probably didn't even know about me.
But, thought I should share it with yall. You know when you just got a lot
going on in your head and you just gotta get it out? Well, thats what
this song is man. I got one more verse for yall. Check it.

Verse 3:

Of course I'm feeling low, trying not to be depressed/
But the pain in my life feels like a knot in my chest/
I understand what they mean when they tell me I'm blessed/
My heart is in this, and I don't know if it can stretch/
Your friends gonna be your fan when they see the money building/
But when your broke they got comments up to the f**king ceiling/
And tell me how to rhyme like I'm about to lose it/
But what is my song if it's really your music/
Yeah thats my heart, I can't let it flat line/
Loves locked down so I guess I can't crack mine/
Can't rewind? I used that excuse last time/
We got insecurities I'm trying to get passed mine/
Before you in girl, I can't pretend girl/
I been thinking about you lately and I mean more than friends girl/
Play emotions like roles we put on/
Subtle frame of mind, I'm smoking until I'm beyond gone/