Sometimes things that are expensive are worse

[FRECKLE]
Oh, I need to tell you about my night last night

[CALEB GALLO]
Oh, tell me all about it

[FRECKLE]
So I'm hanging out in my apartment
I've got some candles lit
I'm feeling good
I've had eight glasses of wine

[CALEB GALLO]
Gotcha

[FRECKLE]
And down in the street I hear these two beautiful boys playing
They're skateboarding
They're doing flips or something
And one of them looks up and has the most beautiful face I've ever seen
Asian

[CALEB GALLO]
Beautiful

[FRECKLE]
And you know how I like a little Asian
You remember my date with Len?

[CALEB GALLO]
Very well

[FRECKLE]
The point is I say
"Woo-hoo boys"
And they sort of look
Thе one who isn't Asian, is Black

[CALEB GALLO]
This...
You don't have to...
This can be a color blind story

[FRECKLE]
But I want to fill it with color

[CALEB GALLO]
Yеah, but I'm just saying... it's like
There's a race problem in Hollywood right now

[FRECKLE]
And in America
A race-ism problem

[CALEB GALLO]
I agree

[FRECKLE]
Well this story isn't racist, it's diverse
If everyone in it were white then it would be racist,
Caleb Gallo

[CALEB GALLO]
You know what,
You're right
Go ahead

[FRECKLE]
So the boys come up to my apartment,
And I'm wearing a robe
I'm only wearing a robe

And I say
"Why don't you come in my boudoir and watch me do a monologue?"

and they say
"Where's the bed?"

and I say
"This is the bed right here"

and they say
"Can we sit on the bed?"

and I say
"Sure, but these are expensive Japanese linen"

and they say
"But they're not even soft!"

and I say
"Sometimes things that are expensive are worse"

[CALEB GALLO]
Wow

[FRECKLE]
So anyway I sucked both their dicks

[CALEB GALLO]
Did you do the monologue?

[FRECKLE]
I did an early work by the master...

[BOTH]
Cameron Diaz