I Had

Verse 1: (Clarky)
Cold air.. Bright lights
Breath seems cold in the night sky
Smoke blows through the wind; while lights shine
And the clock can't clock if the time's right!
Life flies by.. and thats that
Write a new track then scrap that
Couldn't give a fuck if the word stops spinning
When it drops in my hands ima catch that!
Minds in a mess, thoughts shooting past
Life is a test that's proving hard..
Can't wish for a wish on a shooting star
If i can't pay rent then im shooting stars!
Music.. bars? -Hearts all i listen to..
Im blinded by lights but the dark is a mission too
Can't hide lies if the truth stays hidden too
Cah ill only regret them things that i didn't do!

Bright lights.. Cold air..
Breeze in my lungs like I'd smoked air..
I'm looking at the world 'I can GO there'
So why am I stuck here no where?
Cos i won't dare even think that?
-So instead; I'll head into pitch black..
See a rolled spliff turn into a roach tip
As i smoke it, and sink back
Im just one person in one town
In one country on one round;
Planet in one universe..
In one dimension, and im hellbound?
Well now? I guess thats a lesson..
Try look through life with that perception..
And you'll notice how life can change
When you've grown to a man from adolesence..


Verse 2: (Clarky)
Rain Drops.. Dark Clouds..
I can't seem to breathe but my heart pounds..
My hands just freeze while sparks bounce
And the voice in my head lists 'unmarked vowes'
Got my guard down! -Deep Sweats!
Cah the day had to come where I meet them..
So how can I say that im ' In Too Deep'
-when I ain't even seen 'deep' yet?
Said I'm a 'Smart Guy' -Compliment?
Or do they say that cah Im confident?
See I HAD to be a man; Face the consequence;
But my hearts too weak to show confidence!
Plus consciousness is a mile away..
I'll frown tonight; Had to smile today!
And I had to get through this in a silent way;
Cah I said 'Goodbye' To the 'Viloent' Gage..

Dark Clouds.. Rain Drops..
I can't see a day where the pain stops..
My appetite's lost & My weights dropped;
And my face looks thin like ive aged lots!
Its that same cost; life's 'priceless'
Same old shit; New 'Crisis'
See Im tryna stay strong and be righteous
But I just feel so cold and lifeless!
Got more people judging than on my side;
They must not be in their right mind;
Cah I've been through more shit;
In the last three months;
Than most go through; In a Lifetime!
This Life's MINE; You don't know shit!
If you KNEW how I felt then you'd notice?
If I never changed? -I'd take both wrists!
Cah I'm hurting now more than most kids!

Verse 3: (Clarky)
Loud Noise.. Quiet Mouth;
My Body seems tight in this Violent House
Them same old thoughts got silence out
Cah I feel so trapped in these riot shouts
Im crying out on the inside!
On the outside.. Am I still me?
I dont mean to offend.. But FUCK 9/11
Cah the 12 of the 9th just killed me!
Killed her too.. Its fucked up!
No 'accident' .. Just 'Dumb Luck'
Them guys try ask if I'm 'alright';
-Like I'll reply with a 'Thumbs Up'
You Dumb fucks! I gave up!
Not just that but I gave Blood..
I GAINED love.. then came up wrong;
So I guess this song's cah I MADE Blood..

Quiet Mouth.. A Loud Noise..
Its all been a dream for this proud boy..
I didn't give a fuck for the rest of the world;
Not if they didn't care for OUR Choice..
Now A Ploy's what it seems more like;
Cah now NO ONE asks if I'm 'Alright'
Now that I'm breaking down there's SILENCE
Got my 'Tears In The Pillow' & I'm 'Up All Night'
I feel so dead and I BET it lasts
Cah I'm no good with forgetting past!
I was promised closeness and feel pushed away..
So ALL I hope is we're getting past..
I guess all GOOD things must come to an end..
Although I held on.. Tryna hope for a bend..
And Now Nobody Knows How Much I Love You
Nor How Much That You Had Meant..... Damn!