Tuesday Night Is Always Karaoke

The wind blew so cold against the west coast of Ireland
That Rita would not go into the water
Picture the scene, mothers, fathers, ice-creams
Huddled 'round their little sons and daughters

Well, the rain it cut right through me, it kept on pouring down
I found a little hotel bar on the harbour side of town
I said I'd play for nothing since the tourists was in town
But Tuesday night is always karaoke

Tuesday night is always karaoke
Tuesday night is always karaoke

Oasis all the rage, "I'm down from Gorgy", climbed on stage
And he could hardly hold the mike for all that brandy
He intro'ed far too late and poor old Sally had to wait
Rita hollered that some words would come in handy

Fathers pushing mothers up against the microphone
Sisters goading brothers, "Won't you leave the lad alone
And a priest from (?Nukarada?) shook his head and headed home
'Cause Tuesday night is always karaoke

Tuesday night is always karaoke
Tuesday night is always karaoke

There's only karaoke, on every scone
The whistles and the fiddles and the bodhran stay at home
I never heard a single mandolin or an accordion drone
'Cause Tuesday night is always karaoke

Jim turned Kyle Fergus with his eyes shut, lips are pursing
John boy, he passed out at the next table
Smokey Mountain Sweet, what came is good enough to eat
Jim tried to sing in tune, but was not able

And people stood on chairs and tables, rocking to them all
Knocking over nuns and children, laughing as they fall
And Sister Mary Joseph, she's the biggest drunk of all
Those singing nuns just love their Karaoke

And Tuesday night is always karaoke

Hectic and electric, Casanova he's dyslexic
A wee Sligo Suzanne Vega sang "Marlene"
A coach load from Galway, cut their tour date, singing "My Way"
Vigo did the stupid dance in Macarena

And the priest appeared from nowhere with "Those Fields That Often Rye"
And a Welshman murdered "Vincent" and "American Pie"
And a fight broke out when someone said, his lady must be dry
But no one really cares, it's karaoke

And Tuesday night is always karaoke

There were fiddlers from Ross Trevor who'd like so much, they'd stay forever
And Sister Mary Joseph stood there screaming
She lifted up her skirt, she grabbed the nearest priest, she began to flirt
And the tour guide said, "They offered me a job, am I dreaming"

Then the police arrived in wagons like some extras from The Sting
And they called for reinforcements, as their mobile phones did ring
They shouted at her, "Hey, Sister Mary Joseph, do you know what time it is?"
And she said, "No, but you hum it and I'll sing"

Cause Tuesday night is always karaoke
Tuesday night is always karaoke

"Get thee to a nunnery", cried Father Michael Tullery
Your behaviour here tonight is sacrilegious
Sister Mary Joseph took the floor and the crowd all called for more
And old Barry Manilow covers were contagious

They took their lighters and they waved them in the air
She'd gone on stage to strut her "Londonderry Air"
She tore her habit, there's her underwear
Those singing nuns just love their Karaoke

And Tuesday night is always karaoke

Oh, there's only karaoke, on every scone
The whistles and the fiddles and the bodhran stay at home
I never heard a single mandolin or an accordion drone
'Cause Tuesday night is always karaoke

Tuesday night is always karaoke
Tuesday night is always karaoke