Maintaining Remorse

"I mean the war was fifty years ago."
"In my mind, there's a war still going on."
"Alright, what happened, Frank? What is it that you can't get over?"
"Inchon, Korea, 1950."
So much these days I can't process
Familiar guilt bubbles up
I can't get over myself
Cannot make myself be enough
I should be glad that I'm at least there
But I'm so fucking tired
Grey matter replaced with bile
Memories just feed it
Trying to be better and
Take a step forward
Dull the edge, ignore, repeat
Phoenix reborn in piss and
Soaked in regret, atrophied
Admiration feels insulting
Because I think I'm not doing
Anything that warrants looking
I just sit around all day and let the world around me spin


Am I just a ghost? (Disappear)
Am I going down the same path I saw as a young Icarus?
Before my wings were devoured
Every promise I make
Feels more hollow than the last
I'm embarrassed by how I live
Close to better, become Sisyphus
React in anger again
Feeling overwhelmed again
Isn't deserved
I should be collected but I'm unable to progress
Unwilling to change my habits